Speaking of Miracles...

yesterday me, both of my brothers and both of my younger sisters were at WalMart doing our Christmas dinner and some last minute gift shopping. We were there for a long time. The first place we went was to the hair-styling aisle to get a straightener for my older sister, Lexi from Jason. Then we went to the clothes to buy her a shirt, also from Jason, where we met my mother. When we were leaving that section a we were walking and a lady says to me while we walk by, "looks like you're having fun!" or something like that. I thought that was kinda wierd, but I said "Thanks!" and kept walking, wondering if she was serious or not. I didn't remember looking happy or looking unhappy, so I was a little curious as to what she meant. We were all around WalMart for the rest of our shopping trip. We went from aisle to aisle in the food section, which was way busy. There were so many people and our family was seperated every once in a while by the bustling shoppers. I saw the lady again in the last place we went before checking out in the chips and Little Debbie area. She didn't say anything to us, but when I saw her she was watching our family, so I smiled at her and went back to my business. We headed to the front of the store to check out and pay for our goods. We found a suprisingly short line of 0 people and got our stuff loaded onto the belt. This woman and a man came and got into line behind us, but I noticed they weren't buying very much, if anything. I felt bad that they were behind us since we had so much stuff and they had so little. As our stuff went through the scanner and most of it was in the basket bagged and ready to be taken home, the couple approached my mom. I didn't hear what they said. Later my mom told me they said they've been very blessed this year and was looking for a family they could help bless. They handed her a WalMart gift card and my mom went to shake the man's hand and he pulled her in for a hug. Then the woman hugged my mom too. She said she was impressed with our family because we were patient the whole time we were shopping and helpful and happy. I remembered seeing this woman pretty close to the beginning of our trip and asked if they had followed us the whole time. She said they had tried, and they thought they had lost us and missed their chance with our family when they found us again. We thanked them with, I hope, a heartfelt and sincerce thanks, then they left. When all of our groceries were scanned my mom gave the cashier the gift card. It had $100 on it. They truly made our day and our season. My mom had been worried about having all the money we needed to get through the next couple of days and the next two weeks. This gift card was a huge blessing to us. That couple were angels in disguise to us and we are all very grateful for their service. It put me in the Christmas Spirit of Giving.

Wonder of Wonder, Miracle of Miracles!

So, you're probably thinking this means that I'm dating someone/getting married. It doesn't have anything to do with that. Sorry....

Last week I was subbing at Heath Middle School and was having lunch in the teachers lounge with a bunch of other teachers. One of the teachers, the choir teacher, was talking about how she doesn't like people saying "Merry Christmas" because she's Jewish and she thinks it's rude for people to assume everyone celebrates Christmas. She says she appreciates the Merry part, but would rather someone just say, "Have a good evening!" or something like that. I guess she has a point, but that's not the point I want to make. The story continues. Someone asked her about Hanukkah and what she did to celebrate it. First I want to share what Hannukkah is, since most/all of my readers are Christians/LDS.

In between the Old and New Testaments there is missing Jewish History found in the Apocrypha, including the story of the first Hanukkah. What happened was that the Jews re-took the temple from the Syrian King Antiochus IV. The temple was cleansed and prepared for dedication. At the dedication the Menorah, a sacred Candelabra, was lit in the Temple. I'm not sure what it symbolizes, probably the presence of Christ/God in the temple, His Holy House. The Menorah only had enough holy (consecrated) oil to burn for one day and night, but it burned for eight days and nights until more holy oil could be gathered. Hanukkah is celebrated to remember this miracle. The Jews celebrate for eight days by lighting one candle on their Menorah's every night, along with gifts and other games and traditions.

Anyway, back to my story. The choir teacher said that she didn't do much to celebrate and that it's mostly for the children. She said it wasn't a big deal because it's just a story for the kiddies, like Santa. She said that it was impossible for one days worth of oil to burn for eight, so it couldn't have happened.

While I'm not Jewish it shouldn't have mattered to me what her views are about Hanukkah, but it made me sad that she thinks this. I believe in miracles and I'm positive that God did allow the oil to burn longer than it should have. At this time the Jews were God's chosen people and they were doing His work. They came back to Jerusalem and rededicated themselves and the temple to God and His work. God was showing them their work was acceptable to Him and that He would again dwell in the temple. I was sad that she didn't have faith in her own history and her God to believe that He could do miracles. She didn't believe that God loved His people enough to perform miracles for them.

It reminded me of Moroni 7:35-38

35 And now, my beloved brethren, if this be the case that these things are true which I have spoken unto you [answered the ends of the law, and he claimeth all those who have faith in him, and advocateth the cause of the children of men; and he dwelleth eternally in the heavens and ascended to Heave to take His place next to The Father], and God will show unto you, with power and great glory at the last day, that they are true, and if they are true has the day of miracles ceased? 
36 Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he witheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved?

37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.

38 For no man can be saved, according to the words of Christ, save they shall have faith in his name; wherefore, if these things have ceased, then has faith ceased also; and awful is the state of man, for they are as though there had been no redemption made.

So, Miracles have not only existed, they don't cease to exist. Because some of His children have faith. If you don't see miracles in your life, you're living incorrectly and you lack the faith to have miracles exist. Or you lack the wisdom to see them. God still loves us. He always will. He will never give up on us. He desires to bless us with miracles in our lives. He's granted miracles in my life, and not a few. Quite a lot, actually. And He will continue to do so.

The Joy From the Eye-Balls of Children

I love little children. They are hilarious. I love to spend time with kids because they remind me that we can find joy anywhere.

While I am looking forward to teaching high school, I really love subbing for elementary students. I subbed for a kindergartn class last Monday and Tuesday. They were so cute! There was one that was barely taller than my knee-caps. They were so excited to learn and show how smart they are. They loved giving hugs, even to me who they hadn't known longer than 12 hours.
There were a few times with my literacy group (they're learning their ABC's, the sounds of letters, and putting letters/sound together to form words) I wanted them to listen to some directions, but I wanted to make sure everyone was listening. I told them I would know when they were ready if I could see their eye-balls. They had no idea what an eye-ball was, so I had to explain. They thought that was pretty funny, and while I talked some of them tried to make their eyes as big as possible so I could see their 'entire' eyeball.
When I picked them up from lunch recess I found a lady bug. I picked it up and took it inside and the kids came and crowded around me and looked at the lady bug. Some of them had never seen a lady bug before. They were so excited about this lady bug, even though it was just a bug. One of them told me I needed to take her outside because someone on TV said that we should leave animals in their homes. When we were about to take her outside, the lady bug flew to the ceiling. I told them the lady bug knew we were going to take it outside, but it wanted to stay in the classroom to learn and be with them. They were worried she would starve and at snack time one of them left a peice of their pear on the desk for her so she wouldn't die over thanksgiving break.
The kids were so loving to everyone. I asked them on the second day if they were glad I was back. They thought and one said, "We like Mrs. Ballard, but we're glad you're here!" The others agreed. I got hugs all day long and they were so excited to tell me everything that they did the weekend before, the night in between, what they were doing for Thanksgiving, and one kept telling me about a carnival that I would guess was the Greeley Stampede at the beginning of July. They were so excited to share with me; crayons, pencils, erasers, rocks, pictures, and anything else. They told me that I colored beautifully, that I sang beautifully, and that I was beautiful.
We read a Thanksgiving book about a little girl and her mommy. The little girl was asking her mom what she was most thankful for. Her mom told her to guess, so she got the photo album and looked through it. She guessed her camping trips, her talent show when she was younger, her soccer games, her wedding, and other things, but her mom kept telling her that even if those things were better, they wouldn't be her most thankful thing. The girl got to the part where she was born and her mom said that was her most thankful thing, the daughter. After the book was over I asked them who thought they were their parents most thankful thing. They all raised their hands. I'm sure, and I hope, they are.
I've been thinking about being like a child. They are so excited to learn new things. They are so kind and loving, and they are just so happy. I want to see things with the eye-balls of kindergartners forever. I want to see rocks with fun shapes and be happy. I want to see a lady bug and share food with it so it won't starve. I want to share with others and feel glad and not bitter or worried I wouldn't get it back. I want to make people feel good about themselves. I want to make other people happy.

And Now, Something Serious

In consequence of the recent suicides of several homosexual young men, I write this post. I work in a field that draws many homosexual men and women. As a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I do believe it is wrong to act upon homosexual tendencies. I don’t believe that God makes people homosexual. Nor do I think it is one hundred percent a choice to be gay. I feel that, often, people are labeled as ‘gay’ by their peers and they soon mold themselves to fit that label. I believe society 'makes' people 'gay'. I also believe that homosexual tendencies are temptations. Just like smoking is appealing for some and absolutely atrocious to others, so is being homosexual. It is a choice and a sin to ACT on those tendencies. It is NOT a choice or a sin to have that temptation. We don’t choose our temptations, but we can learn to overcome them with the help of the Savior. He has borne our grief and suffered our temptations so he can know and show us how to conquer them.

While I do believe these things, I do NOT believe that homosexuals should be shunned, teased, bullied, or beat up. Homosexuals are people, just like me and you. While we do not need to accept their lifestyle, we do need to accept the person. Why is it that we as Latter-day Saints are quick to accept our friends who drink, do drugs, have premarital sex, swear, smoke, lie, cheat, steal, and any other thing, but we are not accepting of people who are homosexual? Is it because we don’t see homosexuality as normal and we’re afraid? Why do we call things gay when we don’t like something, and why is that acceptable? It shouldn’t be.

Christ taught us to be accepting of all men and women. They are all our Brothers and Sisters. Christ loved them enough to suffer in the Garden of Gethsemane and die for them, just like he did for me, for you, and for all men and women.

CLICK HERE  for the church’s stance on homosexuality. I agree with this statement completely.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

In Sister Russon's Book of Mormon Institute class we've talked about how memebers of the church are expected to have visions and dreams from God. We talked about if we try to understand our dreams, God will use them to teach us and communicate with us. So, when I remember my dreams, I ask myself, "What is God trying to tell me?" I think I need a little help with my dream from last night.

I was back in High School. Something happened to our quarter back, and I was recruited to take his place in our next big game. I changed into my pads, red jersey, and cheerleading skirt in the girl's locker room and tried to find where all the rest of my team was, since they were changing in the boys locker room and going through the tunnel to the playing field. While I was walking, I started listening to the announcer's comments over the loud speaker. He changed my name to make fun of me (I don't remember to what now), and I turned and gave him a dirty look. He was on the other side of the field at the very top of the bleachers, which was pretty far, but he waved at me and winked with a condescending look. I decided to ignore him and found my team.

The announcer was introducing all the players from the other team while my team looked on from the bleachers. I was sitting next to a fan from the other team. I knew she supported the other team because she was wearing blue. I turned to look at her. She was Denice from The Cosby Show, only younger and thinner. But in my dream she was my friend and not Denise from The Cosby Show. When I looked at her I remembered she had spent some time in the insane assylum and must have just gotten out. I took off my helmet, which had a shaded visor, and she recognized me, and we hugged.

Then I got a text on my phone, which woke me up and pulled me out of the dream. I'll never get to be a quarter back in a cheerleading skirt again.

I am now accepting translations before I consult Dreamdictionary.com.

Memo to the Recent RM From All the Single Ladies

My brother is coming home from his mission in Ecuador in 13 days! Needless to say, I’m excited. The only reason I’m not excited is that I have to move my stuff out of his corner of the basement, so I have to organize and move everything fifteen feet from where it is. And it’s dusty and there are spiders. But, other than that, I’m pretty excited. Anyway, I was at the Institute on Monday and I told Brother Coleman, the Institute Director, that Joseph would be home in 15 days (it was two days ago). Later I saw him taking two young ladies on the scenic tour of the institute to the missionary wall where Joseph’s picture is and telling them how great he is. I should have realized that he would do that, because he’s done that to me on a few occasions when other Elders were scheduled to come home. Later some girls who I’ve never talked to before asked me at FHE that night if I was excited my brother was coming home soon. I’m glad I was there to witness the Brother Coleman Tour because it made me realize I have to warn Jofis of what was about to happen to him when he comes home to a boy-crazy, low-testosterone, high-Estrogen, Singles Ward. I figured I would post my thoughts on my blog for future warners and warnees. Plus, I think it’s funny. The reason it’s funny is that it’s true. So, this is my warning, from a single lady to a return Elder. And other boys in general:

1. You can’t hide anything. Be honest with where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing, because we already know. We talk. We know you’re a return missionary, we know where you went, we know you completed your mission, and we know you don’t have a girlfriend. If no one knows, someone will facebook stalk you until we find out. Don’t tell us you took a two year break from school. We know that translates to mission.
2. We all plan on dating you. Every single one of us. The same boys have been in the ward for a while, and we’ve grown bored with them. They’re leftovers. You’re fresh meat.
3. The girls who come up and talk to you right away are insane and desperate. Be afraid. Run away from them. The girls who wait until you’re not doing anything to talk to you, like waiting for FHE to start or after church in the foyer, are the sane ones.
4. We check for garment lines. This applies to all boys, mostly the ones we don’t know if they served a mission or not. We want to make sure you’re not a preemie before we decide we like you. We do this by looking for a whiter part under your white shirt sleeve, or touching your leg around your knee. The leg one is more reliable, since the under-shirt could just be an under shirt. (I’ve never done this, but I’ve heard girls talk.)
5. We expect you to be awkward and look forward to breaking you in like a new pair of shoes by sitting close to you and inviting you to everything we’re planning, like dinners and group dates. We want you to get through this phase as soon as possible so you’ll date us sooner. And we figure you’ll date your friends, so sign us up.
6. Don’t expect the ward to be the same as it was when you left. Everyone is different. If you’re lucky you’ll know seven people, probably only five. All those other girls you liked before your mission are married, graduated, or transferred. Your friends are gone too.
7. We’ll like you until you start dating, then you’ll go out on a few dates and we won’t like you as much because you didn’t choose us.
8. The girls you do choose will think you’re planning on marrying them. This idea is encouraged by crazy friends, moms, and roommates. If you date more than one girl, prepare for drama. There will be war, girl style. A nuclear rumor war.
9. Make friends quickly with the other boys (or a reliable, non-insane girl, like a sister, cousin, friend’s girlfriend, sister’s roommate, etc.) so they can explain to you who is dating who, who to avoid, who’s cool, who’s a drama queen, and who’s a heartbreaker. Ask questions to your new friends about these crazy girls.
10. All girls who knew you before you left are secretly hoping you’re ‘the one.’
11. All girls who didn’t know you before you left are secretly hoping you’re ‘the one.’
12. Someone has told us how great you are, probably the institute director.
13. Your ego is about to shoot through the roof with all the attention you’re going to get. Arrogance makes you unattractive. Keep it under control.

If you have any other warnings for Joseph, feel free to comment. I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell him all these things yet either, I don’t want to scare him into a family ward. Maybe I’ll coach him as he goes along.

Relocating

Hello Blogger! And everyone else! I am moving my blog from Wordpress to Blogger. There are a few reasons, but mostly, I'm irritated with the little amount of options Wordpress offers. I was with my new friend Dominque when she was changing her blog "theme" on blogger, and she could make her blog so cute! I was envious. So, I'm relocating. But I like all my posts, so I'm moving them too, one by one.
One thing that I did like a lot about Wordpress was how easy it was to add a picture into a post. It was pretty much copy, paste, and I loved it! But other than that, I think I like Blogger better. I'm getting fish soon.

So, here is my game plan. I tried to export my wordpress blog, so I could upload it to this one, but it didn't work out. So, I'm "packing" all old posts and moving them here. Then, since I appreciate comments that have been made, I'll move those after that. I have already learned that you can change the date and time of your post, so I'll try to make those match with the original Wordpress posts as accurately as I can. Then I'll write a fun blog post that I hope will be funny. But for now, goodbye. I have to pack.

I just re-read this before I published it, and it's kinda random. Oh well, I have things to do now. I'm a busy woman. That's the first time I've been aware I called myself a woman. I usually choose girl, but let's face it, I'm too old to be a girl. So, I guess I should use woman. Again, random. Goodbye.

Ropes to the Rescue!

The other night there was a mouse stuck in my window well. It seems that my window well is an animal trap, it’s caught and killed a mouse, and a baby bull snake, and it’s captured many beetles, a frog and a particular mouse that has led me to write this post. The other one has caught beetles and a baby rattle snake. I don’t open the windows because I’m afraid of what might sneak in them. And I just learned something, the singing group known as the Beatles spells it differently than the bug beetles. Spell Check told me. Hmmm, thank you technology for teaching me something today.

Anyway, the window well is about five feet deep and is right next to my bed. Right now it contains the frog and several beetles, giant beetles with red on their backs, like a black widow, but fatter, not as deadly, but just as gross. The frogs name is Wilbur. He’s the only thing that’s been in the window well that I welcome and that I’ve named. My sister Lexi and I were thinking of names and both thought of Wilbur at the same time. So that’s his name, and he’s my friend. He likes to dig holes and bury himself. I’m not sure if he’s suicidal, bored, or hibernating. Maybe he’s just a weirdo. Maybe being in a window well has driven him mad. Maybe he doesn’t like the name Wilbur. Maybe I should have named him Jeremiah.

Anyways, this post is supposed to be about the mouse, not Wilbur. So one night there was a mouse in the window, the kind with the big feet and a long tail and that jumps a lot. He looks like he belongs in Australia, not in Colorado, and resembles a kangaroo without the pouch or pointy ears. He was pretty cute, but I didn’t like him. He kept jumping at my window and freaking me out every five minutes. Every time he jumped at the window I think he gave himself brain damage and I was hoping he would stop before he killed himself. He wasn’t stopping, and he was keeping me up with the sound of his little body and head hitting the window every five minutes. I decided he needed out of the window well. I watched him for a while while I decided on the best way to get him out without touching him or letting him into my house. He tried to climb out of the well in three different areas. First, he would try to climb the metal wall on the side opposite the window. Then he would run to the corner by the window and try to climb up that. Then he would run and jump to the window, balance on the ledge there, and try to jump through the invisible force field into the house. Then he would fall off the ledge and go back to Plan A. He did this several times. Needless to say, his attempts were fruitless.

I enlisted my brother and went outside to help fulfill my plan. Jason helped me lift the covering of the window well off and searched for a red strappy thing that we use to strap things onto our car, namely our Christmas tree every December. We found one that would be long enough and lowered it into the hole. I figured his ancestors have been climbing ropes for centuries. That’s how the plauge came to Europe, the mice and rats climbed the ropes onto the trade ships and migrated. If they could climb a rope onto a boat and not fall off and drown, he could most certainly climb the strap out of the window well. We don’t have a real rope, so I decided the strap would have to do. He was afraid at first of the strap and didn’t move for a while. Then he tried to get out again in the same ways before the rope was lowered.

I saw the strap move a couple of times, but he just landed on it when he fell off the window ledge. I watched him run to his three areas over and over again, thinking, “No, go to the strap. Use the strap, that’s why it’s there! You can do it, just climb the strap out!” He didn’t catch on. Then I decided the strap was probably too smooth and his fat hands couldn’t hold on to the smooth threads that wove together to make the strap. So I went back to the garage in search for something that would be tall enough to reach up and out of the well, that had a rough texture that he would be able to climb out. I couldn’t find anything, so I lowered the hose. It was a little bumpy, more so than the strap. I secured it so it wouldn’t fall in while he was climbing it with two giant rocks that definitely weighed more than him. And if this didn’t work, at least some water would drain out of the end of it so he could have a drink of water.

The mouse soon stopped jumping into the window, or I was just too tired to freak out every time, and I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, he was still in the hole, even though I had provided him two escape routes. So later that day, my mom put a ladder down the well and went in with shoes that covered her feet, jeans, and gloves to get him out. She was successful, and she got him out, he didn’t even try to resist or run away. She took him to where he would be safe-ish, away from the where the two outside cats like to chill.

Anyway, the point of all this is what I learned from it. While it was running around and jumping onto one of it’s three escape routes, I had provided one that would actually work. Both of my exits reached the top and would hold his weight while he climbed out. I’m not sure he could hold on to either material without sliding back down, but I’ve seen a mouse climb a brick wall, so I think he could have done it. For the purpose of the moral, let’s say my plan was perfect. All he had to do was realize it.

As I sat, watching him struggle, I realized that this is how God feels sometimes with me. God provides a way to do something, to get out, a way to obey Him, whatever. But like a stupid mouse, I run around trying my three things over and over. God watches me and says, “No, I’ve provided a way, you’re doing it wrong, that’s the wrong way!” and I still don’t get it.

1 Nephi 3:7 I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

He will always provide a way for us to obey Him, and just because I don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just because I don’t understand what He expects of me, doesn’t mean that He hasn’t prepared a way. And just because it’s not the way that I would do it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Like the mouse, I have little eyes. He can see the whole picture. He is smarter than I am. He’s always right, His way is always better. It’s THE way and it’s the perfect way.

Now there is a big ugly bug flying around in the other window well, smashing himself into the window. I thing the Ugly Bug Ball must be happening and the ugly bugs are flocking towards the light emanating from my window. I think I should cancel their party by turning off my light, so this is all for tonight. Go away ugly bugs. Go to the other window well so Wilbur/Jeremiah can have something to eat!

Re-Dos!

One day I was checking my Facebook, like I do everyday so it’s impossible to tell which day it was. But, anyway, I was reading my newsfeed and read one of my students statuses that said, “A dead end is a perfect place to turn around, and rock bottom is good solid ground to kick back up to the top.” When I read this I was like, “what is he talking about? He’s going scuba diving and he got lost?” and I re-read it. Isn’t that such a profound thing to say? I’m not sure if he wrote it or not, but he always says good things like this that he makes up, so I think he was quoting himself.

After I understood that he wasn’t being literal, I thought about how true that was. Even though we don’t see a dead end or rock bottom as optimistic things. We see them as failures. We’ve sunk to the bottom. We’ve reached a dead end. Those are both bad things. But each of these places have only one place to go. At a dead end, all you can do is turn around and go back and find the right road. When you’re at rock bottom, the only place you can go is up, you can’t get any lower. When we find ourselves at these places, we can’t focus on the fact that we’re failures. We need to focus on the fact that things won’t get any worse and that we can and will improve.

One day I was riding in the car with one of my friends, Guizella, and we missed our turn. When we realized this, she said, “Well, now we get to make a U-turn! Those are my favorites.” We need to be like Guizella and love turning around and getting another chance. She could have been embarrassed that she missed her turn, or frustrated that we would be late, or whatever. But she wasn’t. She was glad that she could make a U-turn and have another shot at finding the right road.

Tonight I was babysitting my neice and nephew, and we were watching Meet the Robbinsons. For those of you who haven’t seen that movie, it’s about a little orphan boy who is an inventor and his future self invents a time machine, but someone steals it and comes back to when he’s a little boy to ruin his future. His future son comes to fix the situation and ends up taking him to the future. It’s kinda confusing here, you should just go watch it, it’s really good. Anyway, while he’s in the future, one of the inventions his future self has invented, a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich maker, gets clogged or something, and he has to fix it. Well, it ends up exploding and he begins to apologize, but everyone is congratulating him on his failure. The teach him that he wouldn’t learn how to succeed without failing sometimes.

I think we should look at failure more this way. Without coming to our dead-ends and rock bottoms, we wouldn’t know how to be successful. We can’t cherish the good without the bad. If we were always successful, we wouldn’t know how to be proud for our accomplishments, and we probably wouldn’t even be trying at all. We can’t be afraid to fail, because then we won’t do anything, ever. But when we fail, we need to cash in our re-do’s and start over. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Nervous, Excited, or Hungry?

A while ago I was talking to a friend of mine who was going into basic training for the army. He was leaving soon and I asked him if he was nervous or excited to go. He asked why those were his only options, so I said, “oh, sorry, I forgot you’re a boy. Are you nervous, excited, or hungry?”

Last night I went to the Brighton High School Drama awards ceremony, and the seniors said they were nervous and excited. The more I thought about it, I think we’re always nervous and excited about any big change in life. The small things, not so much. For example, I may get excited to eat breakfast because I bought my favorite kind of cereal, or I might be nervous because the milk is past it’s expiration date, but I’m never excited AND nervous to eat breakfast. But when I went to college, I was nervous and excited.

Both of these feelings come because we’re unsure of something in our ‘moving on’ experiences. I wasn’t sure if I would have friends, if I would be successful in my major, if I would get a long with my roommates, if I would have enough money for what I needed or wanted, etc. This unsureness caused both nervous and excited feelings, so I was nervous and excited.

As I talk to people who are making a big change in their life, such as moving away, getting married, transferring to a new school, going on a mission, or joining the army, I ask them if they are nervous or excited. I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone who didn’t say they felt both. We can feel both because things can go well, and thinking of that makes us excited, or things can go bad, which makes us nervous. We don’t know which way things will go, so we feel both.

Even though we feel nervous and excited, there are more feelings than that, such as hungry. I’ve always heard that we need to listen to our hearts and it will tell us how we feel. Well, I think my heart is broken because I don’t feel things in my heart. I feel them in my stomach. I’m not sure if my heart is lazy or what, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt with my heart. I feel excitement, nervousness, and hunger in my stomach. I also think that’s where my love comes from, not that I’m going to eat someone because I love them, but I feel that I care for someone lower than where my heart is.

At church on Sunday I was sitting next to Carol Atwater and she said something or did something, I don’t remember what it was now, but my stomach lurched and I realized how much I appreciate her and love her. This feeling came from my stomach, and I wasn’t fasting, and I wasn’t hungry. It’s hard to explain. When I feel the Spirit it comes in a stomach lurch of excitement, like you have to ball up your fists and squeal like when you were little and your parents told you that they were taking you to Chuck E. Cheese’s. You don’t have anywhere else for this excitement to go, so you have to squeeze your hands and make a high-pitched whine to keep from exploding. That’s how I feel the spirit. It’s not in my heart. It’s in my stomach.

Many people may say that I don’t have a heart. Well, I feel my pulse, so there’s something doing my hearts job to pump my blood. And my stomach does all the feeling and emotional stuff. Maybe I don’t have a heart. But I’ll love you with all my stomach. Isn’t that bigger than your heart? I have more love to give than people with hearts.

Just Beeee Yourself

Today I was at Carolynn’s last high school concert and they sang “Somebody to Love” originally performed by Queen. Well, in the middle of the song it breaks out into a guitar solo, so the choir air-guitared through the solo. It was funny. But not everyone did it, and she and one of her friends were mad after the concert because of the lack of participation. The people were afraid of looking stupid, so they didn’t join in the fun and just stood there and looked awkwardly at everyone else. Which consequently made them look silly, which is what they were trying to avoid in the first place.

I was thinking about my time in high school as a student, and as a teacher. I’ve had students that don’t commit to something because they think they’ll look silly and they’re worried about what other people will say or think. So they do whatever half-heartedly, and end up looking silly, people talk about them in a negative way, and they become a self-fulfilled prophesy. If they had done it, everyone would either not have noticed them, or admired them for being brave.

One day when I was student teaching, a group of students were practicing for their Thespian Conference scene. Someone from the group came in to get another member of the group, and he refused to go because they were practicing in the big hall where all their classmates could see them. I told this student about UNC in Frasier Hall where everyone rehearsed in the main hall so everyone could see. There are often people in the lawn surrounding the Performing Arts building practicing their scenes, monologues, songs, or warming up. Often passer-by think these people are seriously fighting and feel they need to intervene, or, after checking for a blue-tooth divice and not finding one, consider them crazy. But the PVA students know better. My student said, “that’s cool, Miss Stieber. But that’s college. This is high school where people are judgmental and think being different is a bad thing.”

I don’t think high schoolers think being different is a bad thing. I think everyone makes fun of people who are different because they are jealous that they feel comfortable enough to be themselves despite the fact that they don’t fit in or people might make fun of them. The most popular people in schools are the ones who fit in and make fun of their peers for not wearing the right kind of clothes, or not having the in hairstyle. But the most admired people are the ones who are different and proud to be.

My brother, Joseph, told me about a time when my dad took him and our siblings to school. This was when I was in college and he was a junior or a senior in high school. He didn’t bring a coat and it was a cold day. My dad noticed this and made him take his, a tan trench coat. Now, trench coats are nice for business people and adults, but not for high school boys. Joseph didn’t want to take the coat, but my dad made him, so he did. When he got inside he made his way immediately to the science teacher and asked for a magnifying glass. When his teacher asked why, Joseph gestured to the trench coat, which he was wearing, and said, “are you kidding? Look!” So his teacher gave him a magnifying glass. Joseph walked around pretending that he was intentionally looking like a private eye detective searching for clues in the hall way.

That’s what we need to do. Make the best of our situations. I would have taken that coat off as soon as I entered the school and stashed the coat in my locker. But Joseph decided to make the most of his situation and make everyone notice him and how silly he was, which caused everyone to laugh and think more highly of him than they already had.

Rise and Shine! No Thanks.

I think almost every one in the world will agree, the worst thing to do is wake up and get out of bed. Unfortunately, it’s a task most people have to do daily. It’s so hard because your bed is nice and warm, you’re comfortable, and you have to go through the monotony of your life all over again. The first step to your day is swinging your leg out of the blankets and onto the floor. It sounds easy enough, but it’s usually the hardest step of the day. Unless you’re on bed-rest, you hate getting out of your bed. If you are on bed-rest, or in any other way confined to your bed, you’d like nothing more than to take that step out of the bed, I’m sure. But the rest of us wish we were held prisoner in our bed.

The last step of the day is back into the bed. It’s interesting, because I put off this step for as long as I can too. I don’t really know anyone who likes going to bed. I’m not sure why we find it so hard to leave, and then go back at the end of the day again. I never say, “thank goodness it’s bed time,” unless I’ve had an awful day. But even then, I lay in bed and thoughts of my worst day run through my mind and are never exhausted. The time that I spend lying awake in my bed is often the most stressful time of my day. I realize that I didn’t do everything that I should have, or wanted to, and I forgot to do something important for the next day. Then you finally drift off to sleep and have nightmares about whatever you were worrying about before sleep found you, and you toss and turn all night long until it’s time to wake up again.

The worst sound in the world is whatever wakes you up. At any other time of the day it could be the most beautiful sound, like the laugh of your child, but when it wakes you up you want to destroy whatever makes it. That awful alarm clock sound is sometimes played on radio commercials and it’s still the most awful sound in the world, but it’s at least a thousand times worse when it’s pulling you from your REM cycle and a lovely dream. A while back I heard about an alarm clock that would go off and, after you hit snooze, it would move to a different part of the room. If I had one, I would hunt that thing down with a baseball bat and need to replace it daily.

There are some days that waking up is a good thing. Well, every day waking up is better than the alternative, but you never see it that way. I don’t know anyone who wakes up and says, “Oh, good, I’m alive again!” unless they’re really old or ill. The days that something exciting is going to happen, like Christmas, when the monotony will be broken up, it is easier to get up. If you know you’re going to see a cute boy that you like, it’s much easier to get up and not push snooze a bazillion times because you need to shower, do your hair perfectly, apply your make-up so you look flawless, and dress your best to impress that boy. Those days are easy-to-get-out-of-bed days. Twitterpation is useful for that. Until you get married and the person that you’re twitterpated about is in your bed. You’ll never want to leave again.

Unfortunately, on days that will be easy-wake-up-and-get-out-of-bed days, the night before you have trouble sleeping because you are excited. You want tomorrow to come, and when it does, you leap out of bed to meet the new day. As it goes on, you begin to lag and don’t fully enjoy whatever you had been excited about because you only got three hours of sleep the night before.

This sleeping thing should be easy, but it’s actually pretty rough. We could just do away with it, it’s over rated any way, right. Wrong. If you don’t sleep, you die. I guess we’ll just have to fight to fall asleep, struggle to wake up and stay that way until we quit and don’t wake up any more.

Change is in the Air

At Carolynn’s Broadway Revue this last weekend the MC, Thomas, said something about how change was in the air and my Mom said, “Change was in the air when Daniel was throwing coins after his wedding.” This is a reference to the musical Once On This Island, and at the end of the play Daniel gets married and, following the tradition of his people, throws coins to the peasants outside his hotel gates. And this is not to be confused with Sense and Sensibility, Carolynn, when the kids run around and yell “Married in the Botts!” and Professor Snape throws coins at his wedding to Rose from Titanic. What an interesting couple. But that is also not the kind of change in the air that we’re talking about. We’re talking about the kind of change where things become different. That kind of change is metaphorically in the air.

A lot of things are happening right now. Carolynn is graduating from high school and going to college at Mesa State University in Grand Junction. Lexi’s life continues to change with the lives of her two babies, especially since one just joined this world a little more than a month ago. Joseph is coming home from his mission soon. Erin is not coming home this summer and has to find a new job. My parents are staying the same in important matters because my father doesn’t handle change very happily. And Jason isn’t changing much now that his growth spurt that lasted the last 2 years has ended right before he grew out of his own skin. I’m not sure how it’s possible to grow so fast.

In my branch, people are going off to school, coming back from school, going on missions, coming home from missions, moving to apartments with cheaper rent or closer locations to where they work, getting married, or joining the army. That’s a lot for my little branch to handle, but it hasn’t reached breaking point yet. I think it’s in good hands with our new presidency.

I like change, as long as it’s happening TO me and not just around me. I’ve been in a single ward for 5 years and watched the influx of people in and out of that ward. It’s crazy that you get to know everyone, then everyone leaves and a handful of people stay, and in the fall a billion new people come in and the ward is completely changed. It’s like in The Wizard of Oz, when Dorthy watches Glinda leave by bubble, soon after watching the Wicked Witch vanish into a trap door of fire and smoke, she says “People come and go so quickly here!” and all the munchkins laugh because it’s true.

Well it is true. Single Wards and branches change every semester. It’s frustrating to be one in a handful of people who stayed year after year. There was a time when I knew every missionary on the missionary wall, not merely by reputation, but because they had left while I was in the ward. That happened for about 3 years. While everyone else was coming and going, I was feeling left behind. I was watching everyone but me accomplish something, or change and decide to do something else, or go somewhere else. It’s hard to watch other people get out of the ward by marriage and graduation, because I wanted those things so badly. I was one of the older girls in the ward, and one that had been there the longest. From my freshmen class, I was one of three who were still there.

I was so excited to get out of Greeley with student teaching. I wanted a change, any change, that would show the other singles that I too was accomplishing something. When I moved to Brighton I was told by a boy (identity with-held) that he thought it was pretty awesome that I was out of college and starting my own career. And it was. I’m so excited to be out of college. It is possible! It’s hard, but it is possible. And I was so excited to get out of Greeley.

Now I’m changing my location again, at first temporarily, then permanently. Well, for a school-year at least. I’m leaving my little Brighton Branch, and I’m leaving Brighton and going back to Greeley. Soon I’ll be leaving Colorado. I love Colorado, but the change is necessary.

Naturally, with change comes some sadness. I am sad about some things. I’m sad to be leaving my branch in Brighton. I kinda feel like it needs me, especially with all the change it’s seeing right now. But someone will come and fill my calling and my role in the ward will go to one person or be split between a few. My friends will make new friends, and hopefully call me sometimes and keep me updated with what’s going on. I’m sad to leave them most of all. I’ll miss night. I’ll miss our heart attacks. I’ll miss hearing about their days and being a part of their lives. I still hope to be part of their lives, but I’ll be a more distant part. The one that they call because they have to kill an hour and they know they can’t just call for 5 minutes because we haven’t talked for a week or two. That kind of friend. I’ll miss making plans with friends from Greeley who live nearby. I’ll miss visiting Jane and the kids I student taught. I’m really sad to be leaving when Jofis is coming home. I told him I’d meet him at the airport with a qudoba burrito. I hope I can keep that promise. I’ll get time off, right? Right. I’ll miss seeing my nephew and niece as often as I do. I already don’t get to see them as often as I would like, even though they’re only 45 minutes from me. I’ll miss running home when I’ve had a bad day or I’m really stressed. I’ll miss going to family birthday dinners and eating birthday cake. I’ll miss a lot more than I can list right now.

Change is in the air, and I’m changing this time too. It’s sad, but a needed and happy change for me. I’m excited to be a teacher, and I’m excited to go someplace new. But I’m sad about what gets left behind. This time it’s not me. I’m not sure if it’s more sad to be the one changing, or the one that isn’t.

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein

This is a book that Shel Silverstein wrote, and someone turned it into a You Tube video. I really like the moral of the story.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE&NR=1]

Where I Should Have Wanted to Be in 5 Years

One day, I was riding home with my dad. We were listening to talk radio, which he prefers and I don’t mind, but it wouldn’t be my first choice. They were talking about how people always have something about themselves that few others have and because of it, they are proud of themselves. The lady on the radio was saying that hers is that she owns her home. She said that her friends around her rent theirs, and she doesn’t look down on them for renting, she’s just proud of herself.

While they were talking I thought about why I’m proud of myself. I’m proud that I hold a college degree. I worked hard for that piece of paper and put in a long time. In my branch I’m one of few who went to college, and even one of fewer who graduated from it. I don’t look down on others and think that they haven’t accomplished what they should have. I think some of them would have better lives and jobs if they had a college degree, but what they do with their lives is their choice, not mine.

A few days ago I was looking in a binder that I’ve kept since young womens with all my handouts, quotes, and stories that I’ve gotten through the years. On one of the pages there are drawings that my YW leaders made us do. It’s called “Where I Want to be in 5 Years.” I was a Senior in High School when we did this activity, so I wrote that I wanted to be married, have some kids, and have my degree. Well, the only thing I have is my degree. It’s also the only goal that I have complete control of fulfilling. I can’t get married or have kids by myself, but I can get through school by myself.

So, I changed these goals a little. I changed “get married in the Temple” to “Be worthy to get married in the Temple and become the person that I would want to marry.”I know what kind of husband I want, and I need to be the kind of woman that will attract that kind of guy. I think I’m almost there, but I still have a few things to work on. It’s funny because I’ve sometimes been told that I’m not married because no one is good enough for me. Well, I’m working on me, and he’d better be working on him so when we meet he won’t worry about me being out of his league.

I changed “Have 2 children” to “Be a good role model and make habits now that will make me a good mother.” I’ve always been told that when I have kids is not a good time to try to fit in scripture study or prayer. I’ve watched my sister and her two kids, and I’m not sure how she finds time to brush her teeth. being a mom is so time consuming. But if I already am in the habit of reading my scriptures and saying prayers, I’ll be more likely to find time to do it.

I already have one goal down, and I’m still working on my two new goals, but I think over-all I’m doing pretty good. And I think those goals are never ending. I will find ways to improve all the time, until the day I die.

I’m not disappointed that I haven’t fulfilled my goal of being married and having kids. Those things will come in the Lord’s time. But in the meantime, I must have other things He wants me to do.

I'll Trade Ya! The Ol' Switch-A-Roo

Last night at Institute class, Sister Covak shared a story that she had heard at church on Sunday. She said that there was a little girl who threw temper-tantrums a lot. One day she had been really good and asked for a cookie. Her mom said, “No. You’ve been so good today, you can have TWO cookies.” But all the little girl heard was NO. She then proceeded to throw a four hour temper-tantrum because she didn’t get what she wanted. Needless to say, she didn’t get any cookies.

On the other hand there is a story that circulates the e-mail forwarding population called The Necklace. It’s about a little girl who goes to a store and sees a cheap necklace made of fake pearls and she wants it. She asks her mother if she can get it for her, and her mother does. The little girl wears the necklace all the time and she shows it off. One night, when her daddy is tucking her in to bed, he asks if he can have her necklace. She tells him that it’s her most favorite thing in the world, but if he wants it, she’ll give it to him. He says that he does want it, and she fulfills her promise and gives her greatest treasure to her daddy. He then pulls out a box from his pocket with a real pearl necklace in it and gives it to her.

As I’ve been thinking about these stories, I thought about when I’ve seen my mom with young kids. Sometimes they get a hold of something that is unsafe for them. I remember one day, we were sitting at the set dinner table, watiing for dinner. My sister, brother-in-law, and their baby were there, and the baby picked up one of the knives on the table for cutting whatever meat we were having. It was a sharp one, not a butter knife. A steak knife, that’s what they’re called. Everyone at the table pointed out that he had done this, but my mom picked up her spoon and handed it to him and said, “Here, I’ll trade you.” He then took the spoon and let her take the knife from his hand.

I think this is how Heavenly Father works. There are many things in the world that are like that knife, dangerous and bad for us. Some things may be more like the necklace, precious to us, but cheap and harmless. Some things may be like the cookie, something we want at the time that will satisfy our personal craving or sweet tooth. But Heavenly Father doesn’t ask us to give these things up because He wants to make us unhappy. He wants us to be safe. He sees our metaphorical knife and says, “Here, I’ll trade with you!” and gives us a metaphorical spoon. He takes our cheap pearl necklaces and gives us something vaulable and real. He allows us to have more cookies than we’ve asked for because He sees that we’ve been good and is rewarding us.

Sometimes we don’t see the trade or increase of reward and we throw temper tantrums. But He will always do what is best for us. My nephew was too young to understand that knives can hurt him. Maybe we don’t realize that something we want will hurt us. Heavenly Father sees more than we do, he has an eternal perspective. He can see the past, present, and future clearly, while I see what I want or I think I need at the time. Even my present vision is not clear.

In young womens they taught us that the law of sacrifice was giving up something for something better. We can’t always see the something better, and sometimes we completely miss that it is better. But Heavenly Father will always reward us for giving up whatever he asks of us, whether it be drinking, dressing immodestly, 10 percent of our income, swearing, bad music, dating before we’re 16, spending Sundays at the mall, sex before marriage, R-rated movies and even PG-13 ones. I think every Latter-Day-Saint has their favorite sins. No one is perfect. I know I’ve got mine. It can be a tv show you watch, a habit you won’t give up, tithing you think you can’t afford. Let us all try to be like King Lamoni’s father who said, “O God, Aaron hath tole me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day.” (Alma 22, 18) The something better will always come, and eventually we will be prepared to receive his best gift, Eternal Life.

Matthew 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, ho much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask?

Weather, Worms, and Warnings

Okay, first of all, is the weather a subject you’re not supposed to talk about in real conversation? If so, why? I’ve heard that it is, but I don’t understand. Is it because everyone can see what the weather is like and it’s rude to be Captain Obvious?

Well, if you do think it is rude to discuss the weather, read no more, because the weather is the topic of this post. I think weather is fascinating. I took a meteorology class and learned very little. I kinda understand why it is windy and I know to duck in cover if my hair stands up in an electrical storm because that means I’m about to get struck by lightning. Thank you Brother Huffines. But that’s about all I learned. And, PS, Brother Huffines was not my meteorology professor, but he did come in and guest speak to us about lightning, as he does specialize in it.

Today I woke up to pouring rain. I love the rain. It smells, sounds, and feels delicious. I think it is fascinating how water falls out of the clouds in droplets. I’m not sure though how it works, and it’s fine with me to just acknowledge it as one of God’s many miracles. At UNC I was walking with a friend on a cloudy day that smelled like it would rain. He said that the smell was disguisting because it was the smell of worms coming out of the ground. Now, I’m not completely sure where rain gets it smell, but I’m pretty sure it’s not from the worms. I could be wrong though.

When I was in elementary and middle school, my brothers, sisters, and I would go outside and wait for the bus every morning. The day after rain, the worms would be out of the ground. We didn’t want them to get stepped on or eaten by birds, and so we put them on the cement cover of our well. When we got home we would check on them and they were still there, but all dried up and dead from the lack of ooze and water coming out of them. I’m not sure if we were trying to save their lives or what, but we definitely weren’t helping them, and we were actually lowering their percentage for survival. Oops. Sorry worms, please forgive our childhood stupidity.

While we’re on the topic of weather, let’s discuss all the natural disasters that are going on around the world. In Doctrine & Covenants it talks about if people don’t listen to the Still Small Voice, or the voice of the Prophets, missionaries, and Elders, earthquakes, lightnings and thunderings will increase.

Doctrine & Covenants 88:88-90 “88. For after your testimony cometh wrath and indignation upon the people. 89. For after your testimony cometh the testimony of earthquakes, that shall cause groanings in the midst of her, and men shall fall upon the ground and shall not be able to stand. 90. And also cometh the testimony of the voice of thunderings, and the voice of lightnings, and the voice of tempests, and the voice of the waves of the sea heaving themselves beyond their bounds.

We definately see that happening. How many huge earthquakes have their been lately? And is it true that the earthquake in Chile knocked the earth out of it’s regular orbit a little or something like that? And every year I say “I don’t remember there being this many storms last year!”

Last summer I lived at home in the middle of nowhere where you can see for miles and miles around you without light pollution hiding the stars. They are beautiful. This summer when I move home I think I’ll have a girls night or something for all my Denver-Area friends and we can star gaze. Oooh, let’s do that for my birthday, we’ll have a giant sleepover. Or, if it’s cloudy, that means there is probably lightning all around our house, so we can lightning-watch instead. Any way, I go outside when there is rain or to watch the lightning, as long as it isn’t right above my head. I do NOT want to get hit by lightning. Many times I have felt the earth shake and tremble, felt the windows rattle, and I feel like Heavenly Father is communicating to His children to come to Him. Like when the 5 little ducks come out to play, over the hills and far away, mommy duck says “Quack, quack quack!” No little ducks come running back. But the Daddy Duck says, “QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!” ….5 little ducks come running back. We’ve ignored mommy duck for a long time, now daddy duck is calling because he wants us all to return home safely and it’s almost dark and the weasels are going to come out and eat us. Weasels are nocturnal, right? Well, whatever predator eats baby ducks and comes out at night, daddy duck is trying to save us from that. Maybe owls?

Heavenly Father is trying to get us to return to Him safely. He calls us as he needs, and right now He needs thunder, lightning, and earthquakes. But, remember, when daddy duck said QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! 5 little ducks came running back. That is 100% of the ducks. God’s work and His glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. Atonement? Complete. Immortality? Check. Eternal life? Cue the lightning.

But how is this possible? Something that I know about Heavenly Father is that he’s nothing like the Greek god Zeus, who hurls his lightning bolts whenever he gets angry. I know Heavenly Father uses His scientific laws to fulfill his purposes. Now don’t get mad, but when I hear about global warming, I think that explains it. Heavenly Father doesn’t have a lightning machine with a wrath setting. There seems to be a lot of pollution in the air, and we learn about acid rain in science, so pollution obviously has an effect on our atmosphere. I’m not quite sure about all the global warming theories, or Al Gore weighting the numbers, and I’m definitely closer to being a worm than a scientist, just pull off my limbs. It just makes sense to me, scripturally. I’m not saying that it’s all the hairspray used in the ’60′s and ’80′s, but the way we waste and pollute has to have some kind of effect, especially since it has all happened so suddenly. Pollution didn’t used to exist, it came about just in the last century or two. This also doesn’t mean that I’m going to go through my neighbors garbage on trash-pick-up day to sort their recycling. I’m pretty sure the earth will receive it’s paradisiacal glory before we use up all it’s resources. But I also don’t think that we should be wasteful. So, add that to the list of global warming theories and name it after me. Or maybe after Joseph Smith, he knew about it a long time before me.

Isn’t it amazing how we digress from the weather? Maybe it isn’t such a bad thing to talk about. The subject has revealed several things about me, namely that I’m a worm killer, that I’ll probably get struck by lightning, and that I believe in Global Warming. Don’t be hatin’. Unless you’re a worm.

Negativity is Contagious

A while back I was looking at my News Feed on Facebook and reading all my friends statuses. Or would that be stati? Well, spell check says statuses. Good. So, anyway I was reading all my friends statuses and realized that not very many of them are positive. I think it’s because people tend to focus on the negative. Well, negative things are hard to not pay attention to, it’s like they wear bright colors and dance in your peripheral vision while you’re trying to do something else. There’s no way to ignore those brightly-colored-dancing negatives. Well, for girls anyway, I don’t know how boys minds work.

As I was reading these negative statuses I began to feel down too. Then I went to post my new status, and everything was negative. Now, I don’t think there was very many negative things going on in my life at that time. But everything that came out of my fingertips was pessimistic and whiny. That is because negative attitudes are contagious. I see it all the time when I was student teaching and directing. When one kid whines, other kids who usually just do what’s expected of them were like “yeah, I think this is dumb too!” then that negativity spreads like wild fire, then a lot of my theatre 1 kids get a bad grade on their assignments. Some people are incredibly good though, and they’re surrounded by a force field of good thoughts and feelings that negativity can’t penetrate. They always got good grades. I wonder where one can purchase this force field, or where it can be obtained. It must be a learned attitude that will take a lot of work to get.

Well, you gotta start somewhere! So, I have been trying to not be negative on my facebook statuses, and I have noticed that the ones that aren’t negative always get more responses from people. I wrote that I wanted a cupcake and 4 people liked it and two put a ring on it, meaning they wrote a comment.

Okay, I admit it, sometimes I do write negative things too. But that’s because those little dancers have moved in front of my computer and I can’t think of anything else. Sometimes it takes me a little while to think of something positive. But, as the day goes on, I realize I think in facebook statuses and decide what I’m going to post long before I’m even near a computer to post it. I hope I’m not the only one who does that, I would guess that’s a sign of addiction. But that helps me to find a positive status, and I try to post a new status before I read anything else on my facebook, so it can’t be influenced by all that contagious negativity.

Job Hunging: Broadening My Horizons

While I have been looking for a job here in the Denver area, I feel like I fill out applications all the live long day, but at the end of the day, I try to tell a friend about all the things I’ve applied for, and as I do I realize 2 things. 1. I only applied to about 4 things when I feel like I applied to 10, and 2. I hate all the jobs I’m applying for and don’t want to do them.

So, first of all, it is very frustrating to fill out an application because it takes so much time and all applications need all the same information. I feel like I’ve typed my name, address, and phone number a million times. And as I fill out these applications, you would hope that you hear back from at least one thing that you applied for a day, but I feel like I might as well be putting the applications into a bottle and sending them into the ocean. I’ve only heard back from two job that I’ve applied for. And one of the two was a sorry-we-don’t-think-you’re-qualified e-mail. I’ve had three interviews, but two have been call-to-apply jobs. And the third interview was the other job that I said I’d heard back from. They scheduled an interview and I went. The same day of the interview I got an e-mail saying I’m not what they’re looking for. My friend Amy works for them and she asked them why I didn’t get the job. They said that they really liked me and that I did excellent in the interview, but I didn’t have any experience. Okay, so I understand that they need to do what is easiest and most efficient for them, but if I need experience to get a job, where do I get experience? Oh, right, a job. Well, I guess that’s a vicious and unfair cycle.

Secondly, I’m not sure if I was lying to myself, or what, but I would HATE doing any of the jobs I was applying for. I spent 5 years getting a degree that would allow me to teach high or middle school theatre. I LOVE that job. Student teaching was so fun and exciting. I love that every day is different and that I’m influencing the lives of young people every day. I enjoy working with students and helping them learn and understand and have fun. I love directing and watching scenes and plays by high school students that give their audience goosebumps and make them forget they’re watching a high school production. THAT’s what I want to do. I don’t want to work as a teller, a waitress, a secretary, or a cashier/retailer. I want to be a teacher. My dream job is being a teacher. I had forgotten that, and it hadn’t been the first time, and was just looking for anything that would pay my bills. But I don’t want to work in a job that I hate.

While I was in school people would ask me where I wanted to teach and I would say that I hadn’t decided because I didn’t want to be disappointed with where I ended up. That would happen to me. I would prefer to teach in Colorado, but there are next to 0 theatre teaching jobs in Colorado. So, I’ve broadened my horizons. I know, it’s sad. I had to back out living with my best friend, Amy. That was really hard. Mary and I were looking forward to living in the same area again when she got married. I love my ward and my calling, and I feel like my ward kinda needs me. My mom is sad that I’m moving farther away. I’m sad that I’m moving away from my 2-year-old nephew and 1-month-old niece. But I have to stop worrying about how I’m making others feel and do something for me. It’s time to grow up and act like an adult. The truth is, I have to go where the jobs are. Today while I was looking on-line at education jobs, I found a website that gives me 18 jobs that I’m qualified to do without being Highly Qualified to teach English. That was pretty encouraging. Unfortunately, none of them are in Colorado. There are a lot in Utah, some in Arizona and New Mexico, and a few in Neberaska. There were also some in North Carolina and Flordia, but those are both too far from home for me. So, there are jobs out there.

I thought I needed to broaden my horizons in my job hunting, so I applied at every store, restaurant, bank, etc. that I could think of. But now I see that I do need to broaden my horizons in my job search in a different way, by location. I’m going back to hunting for educational positions. And I’ve never felt better about a decision that I’ve made.

As I’ve been looking for jobs, the words to a hymn keep popping into my head:

It may not be on a mountain high, or over a stormy sea. It may not be at the battle’s front my Lord will have need of me. But if, by a still small voice he calls, to paths that I do not know, I’ll answer, Dear Lord, with my hand in thine, I’ll go where you want me to go. I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, o’er mountain or plain or sea. I’ll say what you want me to say, dear Lord, I’ll be what you want me to be.

I didn’t know where he wanted me. I still don’t. But I do know which direction. And I do know what he wants me to be. A teacher. I guess the exact location will come later.

To Blog or not to Blog; that is the question.

Having a blog is kinda an intimidating thing. I feel like I have to say profound things that are worth reading. But I think this blog is for the writer. Almost like a public journal. If you're here to find entertainment, then go elsewhere, this blog is about and for me. Bye bye!

I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while now, but didn't for the reason of not having anything important to say. Not enough happening in my life worth sharing. But now, I think blogging can be therapeutic, like some people draw, sing, run, dance, etc. to get their feelings out. Blogging can do that. Some people write to do that, blogging is another form of writing, right? Right.

Having a blog means you can say what you want and not worry about what another person is thinking. It's like sending your ideas into the universe that doesn't have a mouth, as long as you delete the comment option. But sometimes, having someone with two ears and a mouth is a good thing, because then you get feedback and other ideas back. Those ideas go into your two ears (or eyes if they're on a blog) and your new ideas come out of your mouth and into their two ears. Very nice.

However, I ask that you listen to my point of view before you open your mouth. We are given two ears and one mouth for a reason. We should listen twice as much as we speak. That's all I ask. Feel free to comment, but be kind and patient. That's something I don't like about mouths, they can hurt people. They have teeth and sometimes a whip of a tongue. Don't just see something that you don't like and begin whining and saying that I'm wrong. Feel free to say that you disagree and say why. Otherwise I just hear that I'm wrong and then my ears close and my mouth opens, just like yours did. Neither of us will learn anything or see things a different way, or even understand each other that way. Whoever has ears let them hear.

Also, another main reason I started a blog was I needed another place besides facebook to say what I felt. My facebook has been taken over by students and former students and I have been taught to protect myself. So I act professional on my facebook and don't post exactly how I feel. It's not like I have pictures of me at drunken parties, as I don't drink or go to drunken parties. But I don't like posting anything about my religion or beliefs for my students. That's the big thing. That is a huge part of me, and I need to have a place where I can just write about my feelings, worries, fears, etc. combined with my beliefs. I need to be able to quote General Authorities and scriptures and not worry about offending or influencing a student and having a parent get mad at me. So, no students allowed! If you're a student of mine, go away! How did you find me here, anyway?