To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

In Sister Russon's Book of Mormon Institute class we've talked about how memebers of the church are expected to have visions and dreams from God. We talked about if we try to understand our dreams, God will use them to teach us and communicate with us. So, when I remember my dreams, I ask myself, "What is God trying to tell me?" I think I need a little help with my dream from last night.

I was back in High School. Something happened to our quarter back, and I was recruited to take his place in our next big game. I changed into my pads, red jersey, and cheerleading skirt in the girl's locker room and tried to find where all the rest of my team was, since they were changing in the boys locker room and going through the tunnel to the playing field. While I was walking, I started listening to the announcer's comments over the loud speaker. He changed my name to make fun of me (I don't remember to what now), and I turned and gave him a dirty look. He was on the other side of the field at the very top of the bleachers, which was pretty far, but he waved at me and winked with a condescending look. I decided to ignore him and found my team.

The announcer was introducing all the players from the other team while my team looked on from the bleachers. I was sitting next to a fan from the other team. I knew she supported the other team because she was wearing blue. I turned to look at her. She was Denice from The Cosby Show, only younger and thinner. But in my dream she was my friend and not Denise from The Cosby Show. When I looked at her I remembered she had spent some time in the insane assylum and must have just gotten out. I took off my helmet, which had a shaded visor, and she recognized me, and we hugged.

Then I got a text on my phone, which woke me up and pulled me out of the dream. I'll never get to be a quarter back in a cheerleading skirt again.

I am now accepting translations before I consult Dreamdictionary.com.

Memo to the Recent RM From All the Single Ladies

My brother is coming home from his mission in Ecuador in 13 days! Needless to say, I’m excited. The only reason I’m not excited is that I have to move my stuff out of his corner of the basement, so I have to organize and move everything fifteen feet from where it is. And it’s dusty and there are spiders. But, other than that, I’m pretty excited. Anyway, I was at the Institute on Monday and I told Brother Coleman, the Institute Director, that Joseph would be home in 15 days (it was two days ago). Later I saw him taking two young ladies on the scenic tour of the institute to the missionary wall where Joseph’s picture is and telling them how great he is. I should have realized that he would do that, because he’s done that to me on a few occasions when other Elders were scheduled to come home. Later some girls who I’ve never talked to before asked me at FHE that night if I was excited my brother was coming home soon. I’m glad I was there to witness the Brother Coleman Tour because it made me realize I have to warn Jofis of what was about to happen to him when he comes home to a boy-crazy, low-testosterone, high-Estrogen, Singles Ward. I figured I would post my thoughts on my blog for future warners and warnees. Plus, I think it’s funny. The reason it’s funny is that it’s true. So, this is my warning, from a single lady to a return Elder. And other boys in general:

1. You can’t hide anything. Be honest with where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing, because we already know. We talk. We know you’re a return missionary, we know where you went, we know you completed your mission, and we know you don’t have a girlfriend. If no one knows, someone will facebook stalk you until we find out. Don’t tell us you took a two year break from school. We know that translates to mission.
2. We all plan on dating you. Every single one of us. The same boys have been in the ward for a while, and we’ve grown bored with them. They’re leftovers. You’re fresh meat.
3. The girls who come up and talk to you right away are insane and desperate. Be afraid. Run away from them. The girls who wait until you’re not doing anything to talk to you, like waiting for FHE to start or after church in the foyer, are the sane ones.
4. We check for garment lines. This applies to all boys, mostly the ones we don’t know if they served a mission or not. We want to make sure you’re not a preemie before we decide we like you. We do this by looking for a whiter part under your white shirt sleeve, or touching your leg around your knee. The leg one is more reliable, since the under-shirt could just be an under shirt. (I’ve never done this, but I’ve heard girls talk.)
5. We expect you to be awkward and look forward to breaking you in like a new pair of shoes by sitting close to you and inviting you to everything we’re planning, like dinners and group dates. We want you to get through this phase as soon as possible so you’ll date us sooner. And we figure you’ll date your friends, so sign us up.
6. Don’t expect the ward to be the same as it was when you left. Everyone is different. If you’re lucky you’ll know seven people, probably only five. All those other girls you liked before your mission are married, graduated, or transferred. Your friends are gone too.
7. We’ll like you until you start dating, then you’ll go out on a few dates and we won’t like you as much because you didn’t choose us.
8. The girls you do choose will think you’re planning on marrying them. This idea is encouraged by crazy friends, moms, and roommates. If you date more than one girl, prepare for drama. There will be war, girl style. A nuclear rumor war.
9. Make friends quickly with the other boys (or a reliable, non-insane girl, like a sister, cousin, friend’s girlfriend, sister’s roommate, etc.) so they can explain to you who is dating who, who to avoid, who’s cool, who’s a drama queen, and who’s a heartbreaker. Ask questions to your new friends about these crazy girls.
10. All girls who knew you before you left are secretly hoping you’re ‘the one.’
11. All girls who didn’t know you before you left are secretly hoping you’re ‘the one.’
12. Someone has told us how great you are, probably the institute director.
13. Your ego is about to shoot through the roof with all the attention you’re going to get. Arrogance makes you unattractive. Keep it under control.

If you have any other warnings for Joseph, feel free to comment. I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell him all these things yet either, I don’t want to scare him into a family ward. Maybe I’ll coach him as he goes along.

Relocating

Hello Blogger! And everyone else! I am moving my blog from Wordpress to Blogger. There are a few reasons, but mostly, I'm irritated with the little amount of options Wordpress offers. I was with my new friend Dominque when she was changing her blog "theme" on blogger, and she could make her blog so cute! I was envious. So, I'm relocating. But I like all my posts, so I'm moving them too, one by one.
One thing that I did like a lot about Wordpress was how easy it was to add a picture into a post. It was pretty much copy, paste, and I loved it! But other than that, I think I like Blogger better. I'm getting fish soon.

So, here is my game plan. I tried to export my wordpress blog, so I could upload it to this one, but it didn't work out. So, I'm "packing" all old posts and moving them here. Then, since I appreciate comments that have been made, I'll move those after that. I have already learned that you can change the date and time of your post, so I'll try to make those match with the original Wordpress posts as accurately as I can. Then I'll write a fun blog post that I hope will be funny. But for now, goodbye. I have to pack.

I just re-read this before I published it, and it's kinda random. Oh well, I have things to do now. I'm a busy woman. That's the first time I've been aware I called myself a woman. I usually choose girl, but let's face it, I'm too old to be a girl. So, I guess I should use woman. Again, random. Goodbye.